Game 9 vs Law Vultures (won 27-5)

Our game against the Law Vultures was quite easily one of the better watches of 2013. If CGW were to run a highlights reel of the game it would go for two full episodes without ads. The reel would start and end with Mini Brown-teef lighting up a Winny red, feature Big Brown-teef running over top of countless rucks in his red band gumboots, Cheese opting not to use his arms in a spot tackle resulting in ten minutes in the bin and Rat taking a high ball over his head with two mitts and running it back into traffic with the seed in one mitt, high knees going flat stick and fending the Vultures off like flies. Naturally Glen Ballam would make up the remainder of the reel given he peeled off upwards of 2000 yards with pill in hand for the match. The man takes a very simple approach to his footy. When the Gherkin comes into his possession, he tucks it under his wing and runs fast, fucking fast. Should an opponent break the line, he chases them down, tackles them, grabs the gherkin and runs fast, fucking fast. The kid knows the science of rugby and I trust we will see him slicing threw defensive patterns at Stag Park in the near future. A very convincing win to say the least and the third on the trot for the Dev Reds!!

Swede of the Week: Sam Brown (brown-teefs hearty younger breather) for dotting down on debut and tackling like a man possessed.
2 points: Rat
1 point: Ballam
LVP: Basin – hung-over? I think pigeon hearted is a better diagnostic.

Game 8 v PE Hard Men (won 17-10)
With Premier rugby all wrapped up for the year the Verses were on the hunt for some class acts to throw a spanner in the works of the social comp.  Talent came in the form of  Christian Cullen prodigy Glen Ballam, the returning Tiaki Cameron after a one year sabbatical and James Hargest’s finest; Mana Wright. All three played instrumental roles in knocking the ‘Hard Men’ of their perch. With a thirty plus Verses squad stripped and ready for battle, fresh legs and lungs were in abundance which were much needed given that the average stint the average Verses player will spend on the paddock per quarter is somewhere between 4 and 6 minutes (this figure is even smaller if the average player indulges in a few tins of soup on the Friday night). Its fair to say that Glen Ballam sits in the upper quartile of the box and whisker plot and is by no means your ‘average’ Verses player. This freak of nature managed to weave his way around all 15 hard men and run 80 metres on his way to his maiden 5 pointer of his 2013 season. Given the up front physicality of the match Mana Wright and Teriyaki Cameron were an addition to Big C’s forward pack that was greatly appreciated. While Mana spent his day crushing any opponent who chose to run with pill in hand, TC was turning over about as much ball at the break down that Mason does cash on a Saturday night when a touring dub-step outfit come to town. Going into the final quarter with a two-point lead, the call was made to keep it in the tight and roll as many mauls as we could. A line-out in our attacking 22 seen one such maul result in a match sealing try. As big Will made light work of biffing the Rat sky high to receive a crisply thrown gherkin by Basin, every red jersey on the paddock latched on to one of the most pleasant sights Logan Park has witnessed all season, a slow moving 15 man maul. All 15 Verses were inside the goal before the try was scored! Outstanding stuff from all involved.  The remainder of Saturday was spent at the Pantry on Castle where a six beer bong was enjoyed by most.

Swede of The Week: Keeno
2 Points: G Bal
1 Point: TI-AKI CAM-E-RON!
LVP: Butters Bailey

After a long break from the footy field the veins were itching to slip into the newly purchased devil red jerseys. Thankfully for a few punters we were graced with the late game to brush off some dust thanks to a few too many Pinot’s the previous night curiosity of Phil Mulv. A combination of newly purchased kit, 21st birthday celebrations and the prospect of pissing all over the odd pricks from Selwyn had the lads buzzing with excitement. With a game full of highs, nothing was more entrenching than the work from the skinniest man on the pitch.  Armed with a newly acquired cranium protector, Rat showed what it is all about to bear the Verses jumper. Opening the scoring in the first quarter, with the enemy at the gates, Rat pounced on a sloppy pass in the centres to run 80 meters and dot down under the sticks. The boys were lifted in the second quarter with a blustering run up the guts by the newly signed giant Mana Wright, clearing the path and short-term memory of the Selwyn team. This allowed Rat to pounce over top of the ruck, extending the score line out to 10 - zilch. Using the momentum from the forwards and an inspiring vain of form, Rat soon powered over for his Hat trick. 

The second half saw some of their best defence of the season, helped by the devil on our chest and Mark ‘Speight’s’ Weaner’s in his 4th guest appearance of the season we were able to hold the Selwyn freshers off to clinch a 15-10 win.

The lads were absolutely hissing to get a win first game back, and celebrated accordingly, with a three star in hand.

Churtle

Bo Rabbitt

Swede of the Week: Rat
2 Points: Mana ‘Friendly Giant’ Wright
1 Point: Will Ward
LVP: Tom ‘no show’ McKay

Game 6 v Cumby Heavies

 The verses awoke to the first frost of the year, and the lads knew that a bitter fight was about to unfold. Enter the Cumby pissheads, setting up what you would call a mediocre warm-up, anyone who watches super 15 would have thought the landers had come down for a morning run around.

The morning may have been cold, but the lads came out real hot. Straight from the kick-off, the southern men were on top. Taking an early lead from a blustering effort from Cheese, crashing through three Cumby Forward, coming out on top and cementing himself as a law breaker. The boy’s carried on their rich vain of form with a cheeky try to Bo Rabbitt, off a perfectly placed box kick from Camper Harvey. But two quick try's from the try hard Scarfies, meant scored were tied going into the half.

Having won zero line-outs in the first half, a surprise visit from Former New Zealand No. 4 line-out specialist and ex-Royal Blue coach Alan “Bundy” Bailey didn’t come without its perks. Little was disputed when G “Money” Mulvey was called up to once again throw the ball in straight, resulting in the verses opening the scoring in the second half. Taking full advantage of his half-time creatine, Alec “Shawnty” Sanders darted up the sideline and strechted over for 5 points. Ben Brown kept the moral high and his fists warm, after deciding to watch some 14 man aside from the side line, but not before leaving a bruised ego on some jacked up half-wit from the opposition. Tensions stayed high as the Cumby Jocks scored two unanswered trys and came out with the win. Undeterred,  the lads heads stayed high all the way back to the pen, where three stars and a hot bath were enjoyed by all.


MVP: Tadgh ‘Tigger” Walker -For numerous bootlace try savers

2 points: Cheese - utilizing that upper body

1 point: Alec - getting over the line for 5

LVP Sben Brown for using his fists not his mellon


Next game isn't until next semester, so rest up and well see all the lads after the break for some more up front footy.

Cheddar

Bo Rabbitt

Game 5 v Arana

As kick-off rolled round it appeared that the high and mighty Arana XV were a no show due to their heads being located too far up their rectums.  Keen to play footy we got on the blower to the Arana Dean and quizzed him on his teams whereabouts. He informed us that the whole team aspires to be a fucking brain surgeon and were at a health sci test and that they would be late. Classic Ar-rana, arrogant pricks. When they did finally show, they were among some of the biggest and darkest social rugby players Logan Park had ever seen who tackled around the collar, rather than the bootlaces and were probably more excited about the possibility of throwing a handful of knuckles rather than dotting down. As per usual, scrappy and exhilarating footy prevailed with the Verses triumphing over the hot-headed fresher’s 5 tries to three. Fuck Arana! 

MVP: Will Ward

2 Points: Mason - dotted down

1 point – G mulvs for his nudge at goal – smoked it

LVP Bill Rabbitt for living in the past

The Dental Ba Ba’s and fellow breathers provided fuck all competition for a frothing fourth round Verses line-up eager to post their first win of 2013. A bias representation of our indigenous brothers took to the field for the Barbarians, which can only really be justified by the quota system. Vintage Verses footy made some good viewing with Big Wilbur continuing his Stella form and making some blockbusting runs down the sideline and Wellsy peeling of over a kilometer of yards with pill in hand. It didn’t take long for Chesney Fitzgibbon to zero in on the smallest dentist he could find, making a mockery of his rugby playing ability and probably put him of playing in the OUSA competition ever again. At one point Chesney was so disgusted by this kids lack of talent he seen fit to through the gherkin at his head and give him a classic Fitzgibbon barreling which I’m sure more than most of you reading this are well accustomed too. Shit lids provided stability in the back line putting Monsta Mitchell in countless holes, helping the lads to notch up the first win of the season, yeye!

Congratulations to Samuel Maynard and Camper Harvey for playing 50 games.

MVP:  Cheeeeeeeeese Wells

2 Points: Wilbur Young – Fuck he is in form

1 point: Ben Brown

LVP:  Drozdak – for his McAlister like drop goal attempt

Game 3 v Maka Mad Boys

A sunny Dunedin morning set the stage for the highly anticipated Satanic v Maka clash. A thirty plus contingent of Verses fronted, eager to shaft the bong hitting, Remuera dwelling jafa’s, who quite frankly would be better suited spending their Saturday morning sipping a flat white at the Good Oil rather than tossing a pig skin around Logan Park.  As it would happen however, this marginal pack of humans pieced together not a bad version of the 15 man code, making life difficult for us at the break down and near impossible to win a fucking line out.  As the match panned out it appeared that this wasn’t just any old Saturday morning hack around, but rather an epic battle between the humble Stag loving lads from the City of Dreams and the flamboyant pinga heads from AK city. Trailing by 3 going in to the final quarter, it was time for a show of some Devil Red goodness to fire up the troops. With only minutes left on the clock, the Verses hot on attack, Dirty Mike spotted an unmarked man in a red jumper hanging out wide. Cool under pressure Dirty went to his favoured right boot sending the pill sideways and completely catching the Maka’s of guard. Lambeth made light work of an ugly bounce before shuffling the egg onto a balding Roodie who ran in what has been dubbed the greatest 5 pointer ever to be scored in the Satanic jersey. The boys went bananas, not only had we just witness a moment of sporting greatness, but the Verses were in the lead, 12-10.  Too bad the ref decided to play 6 minutes of over-time allowing the Maka’s to run in a couple of soft tries and come away with a very controversial 20-12 victory taking with them the John Kirwan Trophy.  What a complete and utter fuck up. The boys were destroyed, but in true Verses fashion we kept our heads up and headed back to the Pen for beers, durries and speed rounds. We’ll get em next year lads.

Swede of the Week: Big Willie Young

2 Points: Will Ward , Keeno from the Pantry

1 Point: Dirty Mike and the Boys 

LVP: A tough call to make with no significant balls upshowever George Mulveys ambitious grubber was a rough watch.

Satanic Verses 5 v Wolfpack 7

A solid contingent of enthusiastic Verses were present at Logan Park for the early 10am kick-off to get their weekly footy fix. The boys in the devil red came in hot, retrieving the seed immediately after a Big C kick-off and stringing together a number of pick and go phases, stating an early dominance over the Wolfpack. The final play of the 2nd quarter seen 5 points come in the form of a bo rabbitt line break, the Verses camp was in high spirits. Early in the 3rd, Heens tucked the pill under his left wing and decided to have a dart inside his on 22. The infamous right fend went out as a couple of hungry wolves approached the skinniest man on the field in an attempt to bring him to ground. The wolves failed in bringing Heeno to the deck however succeeded in the dislocation of his right thumb.  Pete was issued with the task of putting the thumb back in place, which was to no avail, cutting his day short and sending him on his way to A&E. The boys tell me that the remainder of the game was hard fought with late hits from Cheese, left and right hooks from Big C and Camper and of course Tom McKays weekly antics. Sadly the Wolfpack dotted down under the sticks late in the piece, converted and came away with a two point win over the competition favourites.

Swede of the week: Jew O’Conner

2 points: Rabbitt (your try was nice but unsure of the self-appointment)

1 point:  Sam Maynard (consistently offering a high level of code. humble)

Pre season training – Friday 19 April – Boogie Nights

With so much hype going into the season of 2013, pre season training was highly anticipated by many to say the least. A few three stars were had to loosen up before ripping into a courty. Mid way into introductions a red-eyed fisher decided to make an appearance which consequently seen him neck three Hagen’s and take a seat on the bus. After a few speed rounds things went side ways and both heeno and rabb could only be found on the bus meaning that Weiner was left to take the reigns. Fuck. His reign however was short lived and the only notable moments were that Weiner fucked his brothers missus and Camper didn’t fuck the airhostess. Teef successfully fended of three milk bottle challenges including a dead heat and remains the proud holder of this prestigious title. All and all it was a rip snorter of a night with plenty of laughs had by all. Big ups to Gweg for the diesel delivery and the rest of the boys who came up from the Gill for the weekend.

Game 1 vs OPOHO ASSASINS           22 all draw

A 10 am kick off seen a number of foggy headed Verses opt for a sleep in over footy, however we still had a solid 20 plus turn out to officially open the 25th year of Verses domination. We had drawn the least physical team in the comp – Knox, or as they call themselves, ‘The Opoho Assains.’ Along with their traditional ‘Tony Brown’ call, numerous pleas were made by the Assasins to ‘calm down’ as its ‘only social rugby’. They were in for a long day. As expected fitness levels were low and blood-alcohol levels were high making for some sloppy footy. Camper put in a stella performance which got us all wondering why Skelty ever sacked him from the Royal Blue early in the season of 08, maybe something to do with the fact that he was still eligible for North Town u48’s at the time. Tom ‘HotHead’ Mckay showed glimpses of his eastern southland upbringing putting in several bone crunchers including a lazy arm that almost had the Assassin’s in tears. Other performances worthy of note included Droz’s counter attack, Camper’s mate Knowlesy piss-bowl their winger before dotting down in the corner and JP’s solid defence. Not the worst open to the season. Good to see everyone at the Roaring Pen post match for a tin of Speights, will try for a sizzler also this week.

Swede of The Week: Camper Harvey

2 Points:  Teef – for his physical presence and retaining the milk bottle

1 Point: Gweg, Knowlesy

LVP:  Tom Mckay – for numerous fuck ups that ended in tries for the other team

Footy lovers, swede heads and Speights guzzlers, 
The season of 2013 is well and truly upon us and like any good footy team we will be having a pre season training run to see where the boys are at. Mulvey and Rabbitt have kindly thrown there hand up to host the event at their Queen St residence "Boogie Nights". (corner of queen and warrender up the stairs). Ties must be worn as we will be having a courty. Milk Bottle titile is  definitely up for the taking given that brown teef no long sports any tonsils, or testicles for that matter. this friday, 6.30 kick off , fines after 7.

look forward to a big turn out 

Rat